Icicle Lights at Target...

I bounce over to Target to poke around.

Now, generally speaking – when I go to target, I don’t grab a cart or a basket, because that invites me to fill it up. So, I entered the store – commando – with just my bare hands to hold my potential purchases.

Note: POTENTIAL.

So, I begin poking around, and I walked by the detergent aisle – grabbed a super size jug of dishwasher liquid.

Then I proceeded down the next couple of aisles, with my half full iced coffee in one hand, and the jug of detergent in the other.

I then went down the pet aisle, and thought to myself “hmm.. bella needs a new bone. One she won’t chip her teeth on”

So I grabbed her a bone.

I then proceeded into the Christmas department, feeling that warm tingly feeling of the decorated trees and lights.

I figured, it would be cute to “wrap” our deck railing with icicle lights, so I go to check them out.

Now, I’ve been burnt, in the past, by icicle lights. Folks, it’s ALL about marketing. The box says “75 lights”, but the actual strand of lights is only 3 feet long. Sure, there’s 75 lights, but not enough to cover the length of a deck railing.

So, I think in my mind, that the deck railing is like.. 15 feet. That’s fair, right?

So I picked up two packages of clear icicle lights – 18 feet long. That would be plenty.

(Little did I know, I was purchases two sets of icicle lights – one with white wire, and one with green wire – because the fucking package has to state “ICICLE LIGHTS” in nine fucking languages – but there wasn’t any room to write “GREEN WIRE” on the box.)

Anywho..

So I’m walking towards the registers – with a coffee, detergent, bella’s bone, and two packages of icicle lights – when I walk by the light bulb aisle.

“Hmm.. we have two burnt out bulbs in the house. I should buy some light bulbs.”

So I grabbed the 8 pack (on sale) of 100 watt bulbs. (Yes, I like the burn-your-retinas-till-you-cry wattage)

I then realize – “Oh crap, I need zip ties, to attach the wires to the railing”, so I proceed BACK to the Christmas aisle.

I’m looking and looking, and suddenly, I lose grip of my iced coffee, and it falls to the ground – spilling everywhere. (By then, it was only ¼ full, but still, it made a mess)

“DAMN!” I said.

Bending over to pick up the coffee cup, which was still leaking, I dropped one of the boxes of icicle lights.

“SHIT”, I exclaimed.

The woman in the aisle was like “Whew, it just isn’t your day today!”

(no shit, lady.)

So, the woman doesn’t even bother helping me, and watches me struggle to get my coffee and icicle lights off the ground.

Then, as if my life wasn’t embarrassing enough….

Down goes the 8-pack of light bulbs, and the detergent..

“FUCK!!!”

Now, as if it wasn’t bad enough hearing 2 or 3 lightbulbs break, it PROBABLY didn’t help the situation when the detergent – just milliseconds later, lands on the damn box of lightbulbs.

The woman in the aisle looks at me, laughing, stating: “It REALLY isn’t your day.”

Obviously, I kicked the coffee and the box of smashed light bulbs to the side of the aisle (exclaiming “FUCK IT” in the process),grabbed the rest of my crap, and headed to the registers.

Back home, I unloaded my stuff, and began to hang the Christmas lights. Because I didn’t get the zip ties, I was stuck with craft (or should I say: crap) wire.

Okay, WHO KNEW my deck railing was only 9 feet…

And I had 38 feet of icicle lights (white AND %$#%$^$ green wire) to deal with.

So, SIX HUNDRED lights later, the entire side of the apartment complex, trees and ground included, are basking in the light of our “is it on fire?” deck railing.

So bright….